If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
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