Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
