i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
a search helicopter?!
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
