Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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