Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Let's paint friendship bongs
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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