my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
