Midget sex pt 2 tonight
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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