Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
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our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
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And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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