I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
