you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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