you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
