im six kinds of drunk right now
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
