Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
