Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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