Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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