at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
