I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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