Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
