dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Randomize
