I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
