shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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