i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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