how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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