I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
All I want is dick and wine.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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