He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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