I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
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she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
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I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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