Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
