I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
