my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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