Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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