dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
4 words: hood of his car
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
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