wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
