I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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