my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
