dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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