i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize