Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
