Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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