yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
