You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
