I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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