How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
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The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
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Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I need to sanitize my soul.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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