is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
