just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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