I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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