11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
