Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you will always have a special place in my vag
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
