so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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