I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
