I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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