AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
