ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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