We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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