You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
