My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Boobs are out for the taking
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
