She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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