I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
