I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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