bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
there is glitter all over my balls
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