Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
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You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
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If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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