Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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